My Mission Statement

I write to serve, to unite, to educate. I write to share literature and flesh out ideas that may be of interest to others. I write to document an emotion, experience, or a blip in time. My mission is to write in such a way that the reader is reminded that we can find humor in all situations. It's one of the great blessings of life.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

People of Wal-Mart

Okay, I've been typing this post for, like, ten minutes and it all blinked OUT on me. So now I have to start over writing about WAL-MART? OH, well, it will be shorter and maybe better considering the fact that I had a rough draft.

Go to Right now. Chop. Chop. It will only take a moment.

I hope you went to the link above because I think you need it for the setting of my next story. If you have a minute and you haven't already, please go take a moment on this link. Just to set the tone of my story.

ANYWAY, I had to drive 40 minutes to Wal-Mart this morning for OM needs despite my cheeky little OMers who smarted off about the list this morning. At any rate, I'm smart enough to know that you can never please a bunch of 8th graders. ANYWAY, I needed a plastic bride and groom, so I went to the wedding section. Yes, amazingly, Wal-Mart has a WEDDING section. Truly, you can find everything but the dress. (and a few aisles over you can find a pattern to MAKE the dress). So next time someone is complaining about the cost of a wedding...anyway, there was a $7 VEIL! They have invitations, wedding cake pans, favors, a ring bearer pillow, you name it. While I was trying to decide which $1 plastic bride and groom I wanted (the bride dragging the groom by his collar? the bride holding the groom by his ear? or your traditional bride and groom), a woman came up to me. She was, I don't know, 100 years old or so? Truly, a senior senior citizen. And she asked me and another woman standing there, "Where are the dressing rooms?"

So we pointed to the general direction.

She said, "You see, I used to weigh 140 pounds, but I lost all this weight and now I weight 117 pounds." She then began pulling at her breasts. (remember this is TRUE) You see, I used to have grapefruits and now I have pears, so I need a new brassiere."

I had to crack up. I mean, how do you not? So we pointed out the dressing rooms again, but she continued to talk.

"I used to be a 42DD. Can you believe it? Now I have nothing! So I've got to get these little pears under control."

So we're all full out laughing now. I mean this woman hasn't let go of her breasts yet. Clearly they're loose and rolling about under her shirt. I agree that she does need a brassiere and again, show her the dressing room.

So that little encounter alone was probably worth my trip to Wal-Mart. That, and I got to hear the crying director of Precious on the phone as he got news of his Academy Award nomination. (let me clarify, he didn't call me, it was on the radio)

I don't really believe in writer's block, but if I did, I would be on the road to Wal-Mart because, believe me, it's full of interesting characters. But food? Yes, the prices are good, but I couldn't bear to buy fruit today. I just lost my taste for it.

1 comment:

Dorothy said...

Hilarious. Thanks for the link. I looked at ten pages before dragging myself away. Texas has 'em beat.

Isabel by Donna Jones Koppelman

Isabel by Donna Jones Koppelman

Major Bear at the Grove Park Inn by Donna Jones Koppelman

Major Bear at the Grove Park Inn by Donna Jones Koppelman