Redneck Parenting Tooth Fairy Tip and TAG, you're IT!

Redneck Parenting Tips of the Morning:
1. Always have cash (small bills) in the house for last minute tooth fairy needs lest you have to go to the bank machine at 11:00 at night to take out a twenty and then drive to the only all night convenient store in your town, which is very scary, and get small bills, so your child will be appropriately rewarded for losing a tooth.
2. Get important pictures taken and portraits painted of your children BEFORE they lose their front teeth.
3. Do NOT let your child play Indiana Jones with a bungee cord, attaching it to a tree and trying to pull himself up. And do not let him encourage his friend to help him pull if it's too hard to pull.

TAG, YOU'RE IT! I was tagged to answer the following questions by Sara. Answer them yourself in my comments, on your own blog, in your writing today or SOMEWHERE! Of course, I like to hear from you in the comments...but no pressure.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING FIVE YEARS AGO? Caring for a two-month old baby, a nearly three-year-old son, a kindergartner and a first grader. Wow, hard to believe. I had not yet begun to write fiction, and probably hadn't even thought about it. I was writing a weekly newspaper column about parenting and educational issues.

WHAT ARE FIVE THINGS ON YOUR TO-DO LIST TODAY (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER)?
1. Finish my submission for Chautauqua
2. Go to store for cat food and dog food
3. Choose and iron clothes for my sons to have their picture taken in tomorrow
4. Make sure my daughter's costume is ready for her recital
5. Put away laundry!!!

WHAT ARE FIVE SNACKS YOU ENJOY?
1. almonds, my favorite!
2. chee-tos
3. avocados, a luxury, a treat, but still, hmmmmm
4. a really cold diet Coke
5. a fudgesicle

WHAT ARE FIVE OF YOUR BAD HABITS?
1. Making a mess in the car
2. Not unloading the heavy groceries from the car until I need it
3. Standing in the pantry and snacking, especially while I make dinner
4. Leaving the house without brushing my hair
5. Going to sleep with a stack of books in my bed

NAME FIVE PLACES YOU'VE LIVED.
1. Beaumont, Texas
2. Cary, NC
3. Richmond, VA
4. Boone, NC
5. Chapel Hill, NC

NAME FIVE JOBS YOU'VE HELD.
1. Waitress at Bella Italia in Richmond
2. Custom framer and art retailer at Allen Montague's Collector's Gallery in Cary, NC
3. Waitress at Blowing Rock Cafe in Blowing Rock, NC
4. Teaching 8th grade at Carrington Middle School in Durham, NC (one of several teaching jobs)
5. Wedding singer and delivering singing telegrams

FIVE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO TAG
1. Liz
2. Dorothy
3. Diane
4. Leanne
5. Alison


Join me later for a party! djk

Looking on the Bright Side

On the not-so-bright side. My ankle is officially fractured. I feel like an idiot. I know it's my own fault, trying to do too much, etc. and thanks to all of you who have REMINDED me of such in my pain. So sensitive of you. No, really.

On the bright side. I'm lying on the sofa, laptop in hand, with a little time to write. Granted my mind is full of a hundred things that need doing, orchestrating, etc. BUT I just can't do it. I'm so afraid of reinjuring it while it's vulnerable, not in a cast or anything until I go to the orthopedist tomorrow. I'm terrible about being still when I'm supposed to, but here's my big chance to be still.

My devotional yesterday (when I hurt my ankle on the back step) said this, "I am leading you, step by step." I get it. I wasn't following! Trying to do my thing, my way. Thought ya'll would get a kick out of that.

Last night I spent the early evening in my bed while the kids visited me one by one. One of them read to me, another one listened to me read, one needed help with studies, and another one just wanted to talk and snuggle. It was really a special time, and I wondered," Why do I have to get hurt to do this?" I mean, it was several hours of this and it seemed to be great for everyone. So I'm sure there are lessons to be gleaned.

A few redneck parenting tips:
1. When you get hurt on the back porch, tell your 4 year old that he CANNOT turn on the television until he's helped you, or he'll never come back outside.
2. When you get hurt on the back porch and you're stranded there because your four-year-old has gone inside to watch tv and locked the door, tell your child not to answer the phone with, "Hello. Mom's hurt and can't talk on the phone." Sometimes people panic.
3. Have a phone line on your back porch.
4. Explain to your children that jumping on the bed is NOT fun or a good idea when your foot is hurt and propped up in that same bed.
5. It's good to know that schools have wheelchairs and helpful school nurses when you choose to go to, say, OM practice instead of the hospital for an x-ray.
6. When your preschooler makes you a salad for lunch as a surprise, eat it. Even if it's only a bowl of lettuce leaves. And even if he gets too busy to bring you a fork.
7. Never be in the middle of a bathroom renovation project AND hurt your ankle. It's a long way upstairs to use the bathroom when you can't walk.
8. Always, always, always shave your legs. You never know what might happen.
9. Last but not least. Even if your four-year-old ignored you, locked you out, and took phone calls instead of helping you, positively reinforce him when he brings you an ice cube in a ziploc bag. Eventually.
10. Make-your-own-dinner-night can start at your house today and be expanded to include breakfast and lunch. Don't forget, give-your-own-bath-night, check-your-own-homework-night, and arrange-your-own-carpool-week.

Does anyone remember my monkey post? That everything I do could be replicated by a trained monkey? Well, did you know that's actually illegal? Go figure.
Have a great day, everyone. Apparently, after all this time, I've needed more than just TIME to write. djk