When Lent began, I gave up red meat and sweets and white flour carbs and potatoes. I honestly don't know what I was thinking to do that because that leaves very little left, especially when you're in a hurry. At any rate, it has actually gone very well. I didn't even take advantage of my Sundays off except one week on my son's birthday when I ate a little roast. I've done pretty well, lost a couple of pounds, and eaten lots of veggies. I feel much better when I eat healthy, and I really can tell a difference.
I have said to myself nearly every day, why don't I just eat like this all the time? I feel so much better, I look better, it's so much healthier...I've hardly even wanted red meat or sweets.
Until this week. I've dreamed about both nearly every night. IT seems like every commercial, every newspaper ad, everything is calling out to me. My mouth literally watered at a COW I saw on the side of the road today. So I made a decision, after days of obsessing over this, I'm going to drive to Hertford (this tiny neighboring town that somehow has a Hardee's when we don't) and have a low carb burger. They're delicious if you've never had one, a juicy, cheesy, vegetably burger because it is wrapped in lettuce like a wrap instead of a hamburger bun. I thought it was a little cheat for sure, but perhaps I could then move on with my life and make it til Easter.
SO I drove to Hertford today and got the damn burger. I ate it. It was delicious, and I no longer want red meat. I think I can proceed without any problems. Except THEN I began to obsess about sweets. What is up? It's like my brain is shutting down or something. Of course, of all days, I had to come home and make brownies for confirmation tonight. So I made the brownies, careful not to let any of the batter touch my fingers to tempt me. I put the brownies in the oven, and I hurried to put the bowl and spatula into the sink and run water over it before I was tempted to lick it. As I turned around with the bowl, I swear, it was like a monster took over my body. I grabbed that spatula and licked every drop of chocolate over it. IT was like my body was split in two, the part trying to turn on the water and ruin the chocolate-covered bowl, and the part that HAD to have that chocolate. I was eating it thinking, this is how Edward feels about blood. (I told you I was losing it) I hadn't eaten anything like it in so long, I could already feel my stomach turning, but i kept going, thinking to myself--that'll serve you right. All the sacrifices God made for me, and I can't keep myself from licking a bowl of chocolate like a stray dog.
Anyway, I finally got water into the bowl where it sits even now. I can't even bring myself to go wash it yet. I still do not know what I can and cannot handle. So I sit here, across the room, somewhat ashamed but also strangely satisfied. And ready to go the course until Easter. God knew I would do this, maybe he's even cracking up, but I would like to think I could have resisted. I'm disappointed in myself. But what's done is done, and now I have to move forward. And make chicken for supper. Yet again.
Have a great day, folks.
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I write to serve, to unite, to educate. I write to share literature and flesh out ideas that may be of interest to others. I write to document an emotion, experience, or a blip in time. My mission is to write in such a way that the reader is reminded that we can find humor in all situations. It's one of the great blessings of life.