My Mission Statement

I write to serve, to unite, to educate. I write to share literature and flesh out ideas that may be of interest to others. I write to document an emotion, experience, or a blip in time. My mission is to write in such a way that the reader is reminded that we can find humor in all situations. It's one of the great blessings of life.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

More Redneck Parenting Tips

You asked for it, and I aim to please. More Redneck Parenting Tips:
1. Right before you sit down with your child to work on a science fair project or long essay, give her a caffeinated drink. If you're like me, your kids NEVER get a caffeinated drink, so they think it's a BIG treat. But what really happens is the caffeine acts a little like Ritalin and helps them concentrate. And if you're like me, you might need that soda, too.
2. If your kid likes that new shirt, go back to the store and get three or four of them. One just like the one he likes, and maybe two of another color. If they like something, they like it, and it'll keep you from looking for another shirt later. (works especially well with pants, actually, and buy the next size up,too)
3. Teach your kids to use SHOUT or some kind of spray stain remover. Even my four-year-old loves to spray it on his stains. Keep it beside the laundry basket in their room, so they can spray it when they take their clothes off. You might not think your kid will do it, but it seems that all kids love that spray nozzle. And it saves me tons of time.
4. Potty train in the summer. Less clothes to take on and off.
5. Teach your kids (in about 4th grade) to average their own grades. Show them how to list them, add them up, and average them. That's the fastest most effective way for them to see the consequences of a low test grade or a zero on a homework assignment. Surprisingly, many kids do not understand this concept until high school because no one has showed them.
6. A friend of mine gave me this one: when you have a young teen-ager old enough to stay home alone but young enough to still get in trouble, hire him to babysit himself. Explain that since it's yourself, he'll be paid at a discount, but pay him, say, $2 an hour to 'watch himself'. Then if the house is a mess or too many snacks are devoured or he doesn't finish his homework, no payment. Works surprisingly well.
7. From school-age and up, every child in your house should know how to prepare one meal. Maybe it's as simple as a peanut butter sandwich or toast or a bowl of cereal, but it helps them build confidence and pride when they're independent and it saves YOU a lot of time. We have 'make your own dinner night' on Sunday nights, and it's a real nice break for everyone. My five-year-old likes to make ants on a log.
8. Get in the habit of letting your older children help younger children with homework. It's fresher in their minds (which is my nice way of saying they may very well do a better job than you), and it builds their confidence when they see how much they know.

That's all for today, but there are tons more where they came from! Hope you all have a wonderful Palm Sunday to kick-off Holy Week.


Dorothy said...

Where were you when I needed you? Oh, oh, don't answer that.

Diane said...

Thanks for answering my request. Your tips are like a two-edge sword (but less messy and dangerous). First, they give me a much-needed chuckle during what's supposed to be my "writing time" and second, they're helping to mold my children into something that doesn't resemble scary monsters!

Isabel by Donna Jones Koppelman

Isabel by Donna Jones Koppelman

Major Bear at the Grove Park Inn by Donna Jones Koppelman

Major Bear at the Grove Park Inn by Donna Jones Koppelman