My mind has been abuzz of redneck parenting tips today. I don't know why. I won't even try to analyze that line of thought, but it does seem that as my children grow older, I realize just how much practice knowledge I gained that I won't use again. Too bad to keep it all to myself, and you're the lucky readers! If you don't have small children, share my blog with someone who does!
Redneck Parenting Advice
1. NEVER, no matter how fancy you perceive yourself and your family, NEVER buy clothes for your children that you must iron. Seersucker is the ticket. It comes in stripe, gingham, and solids. It always looks fresh, and is easily monogrammed. It's darling on boys and girls and can be matched to the whole family if need be. We currently have the following ensemble for the four kids: my ED has a seersucker headband, the next daughter, a matching dress, my oldest son, the shirt, and my youngest son, the shorts. We like to think it's less obnoxious that way, but somehow I doubt it. IF you MUST put your child in linen (I assume she's female and an only child or you're linen farmers), dry clean it ONCE a summer, super stiff, and don't let her sweat in it. IMHO, keep the linen to the mommies.
2. Be the mom who has the first spend the night party for all the kids, and do it when they're young, super young, I'm talking pull-ups. If you start sleepovers when the kids are about 5, they'll still revere every grown-up rule, go to bed early, and be thrilled at every treat like popcorn with a movie. When they get older, they're more blase and want to stay up all night. At five, you can put 'em to bed at 8:30, and you're a hero for doing it. Plus, when they're older and they come, they'll remember all those rules, and it'll be easy peasy.
3. Listen to me parents, NEVER EVER ask your child if he's ready for his nap. (or if he wants his green beans, etc.)What do you think he's going to say? Yes, mum, I thought you'd never ask? WHO CARES if HE's ready? YOu're the grown-up. If you decide he needs it, then off he goes. Now I'm into marketing, like, 'just a short time to rest your eyes' and 'just close your eyes and rest your body for a few minutes'. If you get 'em still, they'll sleep, and that goes until they're 80. Works great for houseguests, too, but remember, don't ask. Tell.
4. Forget about pull-ups. Really. IF your child never sees them, she'll never need them. Kids went for hundreds of years without them. They only extend the potty training process. Yes, I am sure.
5. Hug your kids at least a dozen times a day. Even when they're stiff, and shriek, "Stop, mom! My hair," or whatever. They need it and you need it. And some new study says it gives them better grades.
Everyone have a great night. xoxox
My Mission Statement
I write to serve, to unite, to educate. I write to share literature and flesh out ideas that may be of interest to others. I write to document an emotion, experience, or a blip in time. My mission is to write in such a way that the reader is reminded that we can find humor in all situations. It's one of the great blessings of life.