My Mission Statement

I write to serve, to unite, to educate. I write to share literature and flesh out ideas that may be of interest to others. I write to document an emotion, experience, or a blip in time. My mission is to write in such a way that the reader is reminded that we can find humor in all situations. It's one of the great blessings of life.


Friday, September 11, 2009

Eavesdropping

I'm writing a LOT these days. A lot. Probably an average of 5 hours a day including editing, etc. I get up and wiggle, do a little yoga, try to walk all my other errands, but still. I'm starting to notice the impact this has on my waistline. I don't really want to talk about it, but I felt I needed to give you this context before I share my eavesdropping story with you.

I don't mean to eavesdrop. Really, I don't. And the funny thing is my hearing is so bad that half the time I don't hear what I'm TRYING to hear, but still...I manage to overhear some pretty funny things. I just HAD to share this one with you. And because of the aforementioned waistline expansion, I really connected with this guy.

Setting: Neighborhood picnic at the beach. Beautiful day, tables set up outdoors, with neighbors enjoying plates overflowing with covered dish items. At a table near mine, a foursome in golf attire enjoyed their lunch. These two couples were probably in their late 50s, early 60s. They seemed to be close friends. I'm going to dress each couple alike in my description, so you can tell who is married to whom, in case you care. Their talking and laughter is probably what attracted my attention, but what happened next kept it.

Green shirt lady: Oh, this food is delicious. I must stop eating.
Green shirt man: Not me.
Red shirt man: Not me, either. I have these new pants.
Red shirt woman: Oh, honey. Not the pants again.
Green shirt lady: What about the pants?
Red shirt woman: You shouldn't tell everyone this.
Red shirt man: I WANT everyone to know. These pants are great.

(okay, now I'm totally intrigued. What about the pants, already?)

Green shirt man: (finishes chewing) So what's with the pants?
Red shirt man: I have these new pants. I love them. I bought 6 pairs.
Red shirt lady: AT $70 a pair!
Red shirt man: But I love them.
(I'm stealing a glance at the pants--they look normal to me)
Green shirt lady: They're nice. (you can tell she doesn't get it either)
Red shirt man: Watch this. (he turns down his waistband and does something, I couldn't see)
Green shirt lady: What?
Green shirt man: What's that?
Red shirt man: They adjust. I'm a size 36, but I can adjust them all the way to a 42! For when I'm eating like this! No more tight pants! I love them.
Red shirt woman: Just shaking her head.
Green shirt man: You mean, you can make them bigger while you eat?
Red shirt man: Just like that. (he snaps) Eat all you want.
Green shirt man: And where did you get them?

Only in America, folks. People are paying $70 for a pair of pants that will enable them to eat a 6 INCH WAIST SIZE INCREASE without the inconvenience of changing your pants. I mean, what are they called? Expansion Pants? Belly Busters? Have Another Helping Trousers? Actually, they'd be good for Thanksgiving day. I can hear the advertisement now, "Years of research from maternity wear is now applied to the middle aged beer gut. Revolutionary." I got so tickled, I started choking on my food. Then I couldn't stop laughing. I had to walk around to the other side of the building. Unbelieveable.

P.S. For those of you who are wondering, I couldn't hear where he got them. I'll get back with you.

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