New line of clothes

I have a new project to announce. I am launching a whole new line of clothing. Maybe I'd better back up.

I'm NOT a morning person. Truly. Ask anyone. In college one time I actually took an exam first thing in the morning, went back to my dorm, fell back asleep, woke up, and ran to my professor's office to apologize for missing the exam (which I had actually taken--and yes, I made an A by a miracle of the subconscious mind). Anyway, mornings with four kids, breakfast, lost shoes, lunch-packing, snack-packing, picture day forms, dog-feeding, dog-walking, husband's daily boiled eggs--whew. It is truly a big challenge for me. Without coffee, well, our family might be a different people altogether. So here's where the problem comes in. I spill my coffee on myself EVERY MORNING. Not most mornings, not nearly every morning, but truly EVERY MORNING. It's so bad that I now keep the large bottle of Shout in the kitchen, so I can spray and get on my way. But it's not enough. Something has to give. So here's my idea.

A new clothing line designed especially for non-morning types like myself. They clothes would be darling, of course, but they would only be made in various shades of brown to match the way you drink your coffee. Then, the coffee spills would just blend right in. Forget about time consuming changes of clothes, expensive stain remover, and frustrating outbursts in front of the children. Drink your coffee with one hand and be free! I'm thinking it will change my life. I'll have new confidence and more time in my day if I'm not constantly checking myself for unsightly coffee spills. Imagine the time I'll save on laundry. (Just a load of browns, for goodness sakes) I'll be more lighthearted and patient in carpool, singing along with the children instead of dabbing at the spilled coffee on my shirt. I can get out of the car and speak to people instead of hiding behind my tinted windows. My children will stand tall once again, no longer ashamed of their stain-covered mother. My husband's eyes will meet mine instead of shaking his head at the Gorbachev liver spot on my shirt.

All the clothing will naturally be available at Target.