Redneck Tips for Spreading the Flu

I just took the boys over a friend's house to celebrate his birthday. They were so excited even though one of them can't stay the night due to an ear infection. Anyway, I had three little boys in the car and as we crossed the bridge, we saw this beautiful rainbow. They were so excited, and it was just so sweet to remember how amazing something like that is to you as a kid. Not that it's not amazing to an adult, but we do become a little blase about things as we age.

Someone told me today that I've been slack about my Redneck Parenting Tips, and you're right. I have. So maybe I can cough a few up for you today. (Nice imagery this flu season, eh?)

Redneck Tips for Spreading the Flu Around Your Town:
1. Take your sick kids to the drugstore, hang around the prescription counter and let them cough, sneeze, hack and run their noses aplenty
2. Take your sick kids to the grocery store, and let them touch every fruit and vegetable in the produce section, but don't buy them, of course. They'll be germy. Let some unassuming elderly couple take them home.
3. Wait until the first sign of fever, then take them to school and go out of town for the day, so they'll have to stay at school all day to ensure maximum flu spreadage.
4. Tell your child to refuse antibacterial gel in all situations because it 'causes dry skin'.
5. Pass a slurpee around carpool. But let them wipe off the straw with their fingers in between slurps.
6. Encourage your adolescent to use everyone else's phone, taking care to breath all over the mouthpiece and touch every single button
7. Send them to every soccer game, dance practice and art lesson. I mean, they're already missing school due to the flu, why should they miss everything?