Holidays are A-Coming

Ever since I was a little kid with divorced parents, the holidays have brought a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach. It is impossible for me to ever share an event with both my parents, and it breaks my heart. Now that I am grown and married, I have another family, a third entity to share the holidays with. It is a blessing to have so many loved ones, and I am so grateful, but I wish I could be in more than one place at a time for birthdays, holidays, long week-ends and so on. I want so much for my kids to NOT feel that pull, that guilt that no matter where you are, you can't fully enjoy it because you're worried about whether or not you did the right thing or whether or not the other family is having a good celebration. It makes me almost physically ill. Now when I was a kid, I knew few kids who were from divorced parents. I never knew anyone outside of my family who felt the way I did. I never had a friend who felt the divorce and guilt that I felt and still feel.

But now there are kids with divorced parents everywhere. When I hear someone is getting a divorce, I always think for the kids, "Well, there goes Christmas," because it will never be the same again. Or maybe some parents do it really well, gathering together despite their differences. Or perhaps since so many kids have divorced parents now, kids have other kids to talk to about it and don't feel so alone. I don't know, but it's on my mind this morning. I don't know if you ever outgrow this kind of ache. I hope and pray my kids never know the pain of divorce--parental divorce or their own.

It's pouring rain here. Great writing weather, but I've written enough to get cramps in my hands this morning. Nano is in full swing, so if anyone out there is doing it, too, give me a shout out. Also if anyone has any thoughts on this divorce thing, shoot me a comment. Perhaps it will help me and someone else, too. Or maybe you just know a bad divorce joke. I'd like that, too.

If some of you out there know my pain, I offer you my condolences and prayers this morning. May God send you healing and hope and peace. My biggest fear is that my kids pick up on my holiday anxiety.

At any rate, hope you all have a wonderful day. I need to go take the dishes out of the dishwasher and wash them. Yes, you heard me correctly. My dishwasher sucks. Snuggle up and enjoy the rain, and thanks for reading.