Best Christmas Pageant Ever, What's your e-mail?, and does Santa need a make-over?

After the BEST Christmas pageant ever at our church this morning (honestly, it was awesome), we were driving home in the car. My oldest son asked, "Why is Santa so unhealthy?"
Hmmmm. "What do you mean?" I asked. I never thought about that.
"Well, his stomach is huge? Remember when we heard that doctor say that big stomaches can tell you you're going to have a heart attack?"
"You're right," I said cautiously. How in the hell was I going to negotiate this one?
"He might have a heart attack on Christmas night. Kids might not get gifts again ever."
"Well," I said," you know the president of the United States has his own doctor. I'll bet Santa has his own doctor."
"Wouldn't that doctor tell him not to eat all those cookies on Christmas night?"
"Probably," I said.
"Maybe he fired him! Because Santa loves cookies," my younger son chimed in.
"Maybe he did," I answered. But it got me to thinking. Remember a few years ago when Betty Crocker got the make-over? Maybe it's time for a thinner, fitter Santa. A Santa who wears red workout gear, perhaps? Or maybe Santa would pursue an outdoor, wintry sport like skiing or competitive ice skating? Or hockey? It stands to reason that Santa would play hockey, wouldn't it? But then he wants to keep his teeth....I don't know. But it's interesting to think about.

Another story of note. I was in line at a busy store the other day (okay, okay, it was Victoria's Secret) to purchase a gift card. As each person arrived at the register for their turn to check out, the cashier asked for the customer's e-mail address. Now that just annoys me. I never give mine out, but still, it was interesting to hear people's response. Some people refused to give it, like me, but most people just gave it out. When it came to the girl in front of me, I couldn't help but hear her give her e-mail address. Here's how it went.
"Miss, uh, Vanessa, what's your e-mail address?"
The girl looked around and began to spell, "V-A-N-E-S-S-A-I-S-A-H-O-@ AOL.COM"
I nearly burst into laughter. The guy behind me did start laughing. I mean, Vanessa is a ho? Does her MOTHER e-mail her on that? Does she give that to potential suitors? Could it be a business address? I've been thinking a lot about ol' Vanessa the last few days, she couldn't have been more than 20, where IS her mother? The poor girl. Something is NOT right when a young girl has an e-mail like that. But it was funny, I'll give you that.