My Mission Statement

I write to serve, to unite, to educate. I write to share literature and flesh out ideas that may be of interest to others. I write to document an emotion, experience, or a blip in time. My mission is to write in such a way that the reader is reminded that we can find humor in all situations. It's one of the great blessings of life.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Sick and Redneck Parenting Tips

Itchy throat
Runny nose
On and on and on
It flows

Head is spinning
Eyeballs hurt
Tickly throat
On full alert

Nostrils raw
I've worn them out
Need some Puffs
But can't go out.

Low-grade fever
Can't get warm
Constant coughing
Is my norm

To the nth degree
This cold sucks
Don't you agree?

Okay, just a little pity party to get things started this morning because I am stinking miserable. Back to bed soon. Okay, okay, you've got me. I'm in the bed right now, sucking on a cough drop with all my might to stave off the coughs so I can type.

I haven't had a good old-fashioned redneck parenting list lately, so I thought I'd give you one today.

Redneck Parent's Guide to Caring for Children While Sick:
(It might require a little setting up before they get home from school, but it will be worth it)

1. Set out the PB&J on the counter with paper plates for dinner. If you can get someone to get some chips, too, htat's great since it's a rare treat. Plus, chips are great to suck on when you're throat hurts. Sound gross? Well, try it once, and you'll be a changed woman or man.
2. Make a sign on the back of a mail envelope that says "Do you homework, dammit!" Okay, leave off the dammit, but write it in all caps or something that speaks a little more strongly than just a suggestion.
3. Get older child to read bedtime stories to younger children.*
4. Get other older child to supervise baths for younger children. *
*Might necessitate an incentive, like, a slightly later bedtime or something.
5. Spray the house down with Lysol. You don't want kids to get this, too. Or worse yet, your husband (dum de dum dum music here). Pay special attention to doorknobs and sink knobs and computer keyboards.
6. Put a little love note on everyone's bed or door, so you don't have any guilt whatsoever, then..
7. Go into your room, close the door, snuggle under the covers, and don't come out 'til morning.

Have a great day.

1 comment:

Dorothy said...

This poem screams to be a picture book!!!!! Show it to your agent. Don't change a word. Could be so cute and certainly shows a state most four-fice yr olds have been in.

Hope you're feeling better and your OM'ers won something.

Isabel by Donna Jones Koppelman

Isabel by Donna Jones Koppelman

Major Bear at the Grove Park Inn by Donna Jones Koppelman

Major Bear at the Grove Park Inn by Donna Jones Koppelman