Just returned home from my son's pediatrician visit. He'll be five next month, and he received all his kindergarten shots this morning. He was a champ, I've got to say, didn't cry a bit. Then, the nurse said to me, "Well, you're finally finished with shots." And I thought she meant with him, but then she went on. "I see here you first brought kids for shots in 1996. Twelve years ago." Yep. That's true, but it feels like yesterday. I remember that day well.
My eldest child is a far cry from the youngest. A drama queen from the beginning, she screamed bloody murder with every shot and still cries at a finger prick. I'll admit it irritates me. I mean, come on. She's a smart kid, she gets WHY, what's that all about? Anyway, I cried right along with her. Bawled. Every shot, every sickness, I felt every bit of it with her. Now, three children later, my fourth is cool as a cucumber, perhaps because I am.
So I've been doing this thing for twelve years. Twelve years. And I've learned and grown and improved. You could even say I'm a pro. I feel completely confident in dealing with all things preschool. Only for what? In a few short months, my youngest will begin kindergarten. Not that my parenting is over, but I feel that all the things I've learned shouldn't be packed away in 'use it or lose it' fashion. It seems I should use this information in some constructive way. So I'm working on it, thinking about it, wondering if I have some sort of calling in this direction.
It's been a while since i've offered some good redneck parenting tips, so I'm bringing you a few today.
Redneck Parenting Tips When Taking Your Son to the Doctor
1. Warn him that when the doctor says "Going to Man Land", she's about to pull his pants down and look at his penis. It's OKAY because Mom is in the room.
2. Give him any kind of drink he wants on the way to the doctor because you'll need all the help you can get when peeing in the cup. Also, warn him that the little wipe is not to clean off his mouth, rather the other end before the whole cup thing.
3. Bring lots of books to read in the waiting room. They're way backed up during flu season.
4. Due to flu season, bring your own Lysol to spray down the room once you're in it (don't laugh. I do it) and hand sanitizer. These doctors try to keep the offices clean, but every doorknob, etc. carries tons of gross germs that are so undesirable it's brought them to the doctor. Especially this time of year.
5. While you're waiting for the doctor, take advantage of all the cool tools. Use the long Qtips to clean out belly buttons (yes, both of you), between toes, behind ears, etc. Use the pointy end to clean under nails. When else do you have time to do all these things with your kid?
6. Prepare your kid by reviewing the names of basic pics. For example, on the eye chart is a teacup. If your kid can't cough up the word 'teacup' , they'll pronounce him blind,so make sure he at least knows what the things are. Also, they're supposed to differentiate between the letter "O" and a circle.
7. Another funny thing, my son didn't know what it meant to 'Bend over.' When she said touch your toes, he bent his legs and touched his toes. She said, "No, sweetie, bend over." And he stood there and leaned way to the side. It was hilarious.
8. Last redneck tip. Always reward good doctor visits with unhealthy treats like a trip to McDonalds or lollipop.
I'm a big redneck mom today. I'm in bed now, lying on a heatin pad, catching up on my blog while my son watches a movie. I feel like dirt. I think I'm getting the flu. So I'm hoping a little rest will head it off. And since my son was up late at Bedtime Story Night and got three shots and a finger prick, he's a little mellow, as well. So we're chillaxing, as my daughter would say.
I promise to take the blog up a notch this week. When I get the pics from the BSN last night, I"ll post with some details about the event. Off to send two more queries!
My Mission Statement
I write to serve, to unite, to educate. I write to share literature and flesh out ideas that may be of interest to others. I write to document an emotion, experience, or a blip in time. My mission is to write in such a way that the reader is reminded that we can find humor in all situations. It's one of the great blessings of life.