My Mission Statement

I write to serve, to unite, to educate. I write to share literature and flesh out ideas that may be of interest to others. I write to document an emotion, experience, or a blip in time. My mission is to write in such a way that the reader is reminded that we can find humor in all situations. It's one of the great blessings of life.


Friday, March 12, 2010

Rainy day and Penis Envy? Finally, a solution

Okay, I can already see that my title was misleading. It's a rainy day today and it rained crazy-cakes all night, but that has nothing to do with penis-envy. I'll get to that.

I woke up this morning thinking of Winnie the Pooh and his 'misty, moisty day' and Charles Dickens "The sky was dark and gloomy, the air was damp and raw, the streets were wet and sloppy. The smoke hung sluggishly above the chimney-tops as if it lacked the courage to rise, and the rain came slowly and doggedly down, as if it had not even the spirit to pour." Sometimes on rainy days I just want to sleep instead of write, but I need the reminder that great writers have been inspired by rain. I should be, too.

I'm still on my quest to write 10 pb manuscripts, then choose the best one to really hammer out. It feels a little bit like American Idol Schizophrenia rumbling around inside my head. All my ideas competing to come to the surface. I don't even know what number ms I'm on except it's more than six and less than ten. SO... I aim to be inspired by today's rain.

Onto Penis Envy. How many of you have ever had it? I'll tell you when I have it--at a concert or outdoor event where there are only porta-potties or similarly gross places to use the potty. ESPECIALLY if I'm drinking a little beer (which we all know equals more urine production). I am sincerely jealous of my husband who can shoot into the bathroom at a football game or the like, whip out his penis and feel nearly immediate relief while I have to sanitize the environment first and still cringe in the vicinity of the toilet. Men can stand and relieve themselves, going nowhere NEAR the toilet.

Well, ladies, now you can, too. There's a new product called the URINELLE. This amazing little cone-like device enables you to do the unthinkable, pee like a man. It's true. Plus, it's disposable and biodegradable. You can easily carry a small pack in your purse and relieve yourself far away from those disgusting public toilets. This product is especially popular for the world traveler who often finds herself in some, er, tight spots. Now you can head to the 'urinary space' proudly, confidently, without fear or disgust. Just like a man.

But I'll admit, it doesn't help with the lines.

Comment Contest--the best story of a situation where you needed Urinelles will win you one of your own! So comment away, and you may receive your very own Urinelle. From me. No, really, I want you to have it. So share with your friends and neighbors (this challenge, not your Urinelle, please, remember they're DISPOSABLE and not suitable for sharing).

I can't WAIt to see what you have to say.

2 comments:

Liz said...

A Urinelle would most definitely come in handy at a Lenny Kravitz concert! Also while boating, on a picnic, stuck in traffic while on a long road trip . . .

Should I be lucky enough to win this contest, I would like to donate my Urinelle to a worthy cause. Really.

Anonymous said...

I want the urinelle. I'm thinking it would be helpful to have in Spain. I've never used a bathroom in Europe before. What if necessito un bano, and none are available?
Que?
Ayudame, Senora Donna.
sincerely,
Jody
PS: Do I get extra points for habla espanol?

Isabel by Donna Jones Koppelman

Isabel by Donna Jones Koppelman

Major Bear at the Grove Park Inn by Donna Jones Koppelman

Major Bear at the Grove Park Inn by Donna Jones Koppelman